Sunday, September 15, 2019

Comment Wall

the picture is photoshopped by my friend Scottie
the journey home


  1. Hey Patrick! I have to say, I actually liked your retelling of The Man in the Moon story. Your descriptive phrasing of what Michael looked like and what his life was like paints a picture for the reader. So, with that in mind, the big critique I would give you is this: be a little more confident with yourself! Your intro page made me feel like you didn't want to write it, so why would I want to read it? I was pleasantly surprised when it was a decently crafted story. Just because this isn't something you want to do for a living doesn't mean you can't have any fun with it. This is an opportunity to explore different abilities, interests, and sides of yourself, and trust me when I say that I've read way worse. I think you have the potential to put together a nice storybook if you allow yourself to get into it a little bit and don't set up the reader with low expectations from the start.

    I'd also encourage you to look into the different ways you can incorporate your theme. Why did you pick coffee shop stories? Maybe you can have a narrator telling the stories in a coffee shop, or maybe work coffee/coffee shops into each of your stories? That way it would add a little consistency to your theme.

    I get that this isn't your first choice of what you like to do, but if you have to do it anyway, why not make it something you can look back on and be proud of? I think you're not giving yourself enough credit. You're a decent writer. Allow yourself to get a little creative and see what happens. :)

    - Cate

    1. Hi! Thanks for the comment! Did you mean to reply to someone else's comment wall? I don't have any of those stories!

  2. Hello!

    I just read your introduction and I am really excited to continue reading your story! Patrick is an awesome character to replace Odysseus with and I think it will be really funny! Your possibilities are endless, and I really think you will write some awesome stories! Good luck with your writing!

  3. Hi Albert!

    I just read the introduction on your website, and I was interested by your ideas and interpretations. I think I mentioned this on one of your past posts, but I never really watched SpongeBob, so for the most part the Patrick references are going to be lost on me. That said, I do think the idea of replacing a mythological character, like Odysseus, with a well-known modern day character, like Patrick, is a fun one, and since I know I'm in the minority as someone who doesn't get SpongeBob references, I'm guessing a lot of people will really enjoy it! Personally, the part I enjoyed more was your inclusion of a little bit of the etymology behind the word nostalgia, and the way you seem to be planning to incorporate it in your story. I'm excited to see what you'll do with that moving forward. If you're looking to revise this at all, I would recommend maybe expanding the introduction and giving us a bit more of Patrick's perspective on the situation, so that readers get a better sense of what to expect from the upcoming stories. Good luck!

  4. Hi Albert,

    I love the ludicrous contrast between the Odyssey and this weighty poem in your intro, and SpongeBob. It’s strange, it makes very little sense, and I think that makes it quite promising!

    A few technicalities: at the beginning of your “Book V” story, I believe “receiving the news from on the highest” should be “receiving the news from on high.” In the third paragraph, there should be a period before the last sentence. In the fourth paragraph, there should be a comma after “Calypso.”

    While the stylistic premise I think has value all on its own, I wonder if you might get somewhere interesting by diverging a little more from the source material? Certainly the simple replacement of Odysseus with Patrick is funny, but maybe you can adapt the story to better fit Patrick’s personality? I think that might take it to a new level of interest and quality.


  5. Hi Albert!

    I started reading your introduction expecting it to be headed in one direction, and then it took a quite humorous turn once the narrator introduced himself as Patrick from Spongebob. You did a fantastic job introducing the premise of what your stories will be about. I appreciated how you introduced your inspiration and analyzed the theme of nostalgia. It was fantastic! Perhaps to stay consistent with your humor and satire, implement this into your design of your storybook. As of now, the header picture and colors are quite gloomy which gave it some disconnect and made it feel a little out of place. I think your introduction and how you introduced your poem adds this seriousness on its own. I think the theme of your blog should ultimately line up with the light hearted direction you are headed with this story. I am excited to see what you do with this. I am curious to see if the characters of spongebob will have the same personality and tendencies as seen on the show. Maybe this is something you can develop in your stories.

    I am so excited to read more, and fantastic job!

  6. Hi Albert!! I love this idea and how you are making it come to life is spectacular. I have been following your blog ever since I read the introduction and saw that one of the best characters in the history of cartoons was being used to read mythology for your website. The website design is simple and easy to navigate which is nice. The pictures that you used are hilarious and I love you took the time to take the pictures. Those instantly made me laugh and made my day on this early Monday. The story was spectacular as well. Patrick taking the place of a well-known character is fun and a tough task. You really did the replacement well and made the story a fun read. One thing that I had a question about how the character development was going to go with the stories. I have read a few other stories and I really enjoyed the characters being mostly developed and leaving room for a lot of detail. Patrick's situation on the matter would be perfect thing to add to the introduction and maybe a little in the stories. Other than that I am excited to see what comes next.

  7. Hey Albert!

    Wow I really love your storybook project. Patrick is such a fun and iconic character. You really add a lot to your story by having the lovable starfish as the hero. I think the imagery you use throughout your site also elevates your project. I love your header! Where/how did you take that photo?

    I think you do a lot of justice to the source material. Your story stays very true to the heroes journey. When I first clicked on your project I didn't know what to expect because we all grew up with Patrick. We already have our associations and character traits decided for him, but your story squashed any fears that I had. He fits great in to your story and he is not just comic relief. He provides depth which is something I had never really asked Patrick Star to ever do before. Thanks for the great read and I can't wait to check out the rest.

  8. Hi Albert! I really like your story idea-- I think it's such a cool and creative idea to combine the Greek mythology stories of The Odyssey and the modern TV show we all know and love, Spongebob. I love the idea of Patrick being your main character, because he's such a funny and interesting character, himself. I like the layout of your website, and the pictures / gifs of Patrick that you've included are really great! As for your writing, I really enjoyed reading the story. I have to admit, it was a little weird for me to read about Patrick going through all these really "adult" situations, but he fits into your story well. This week, we're supposed to comment on author's notes as well. I like that yours do a great job of explaining what's actually going on in The Odyssey and how you've changed it to fit Patrick in. On your Book X story, I was really confused about what was going on the whole time (probably because it's been so long since I've read The Odyssey), but I understood once I read through your author's note. So great job!

  9. Hi Albert! First of all, I laughed when I saw that the first person that commented on your comment wall meant their comments for someone else. It made me laugh, and I definitely needed that for the end of dead week! It made me want to read your stories about Patrick Star! I liked how you described the etymology of Nostalgia in your intro.

    The wily star is in despair when we first meet him! I wonder why he's been weeping, maybe it is because he is lost? I like that we get to see how Calypso felt in this retelling; she definitely doesn't want Patrick to go, but he seems to long for his previous life. I wonder if some of his sorrow comes from having to leave Calypso.

    I like how Hermes had to warn Patrick not to smoke the herb. Is that in the original?

    OMG! Hermes as Plankton! That was a wonderful nod to the Spongebob theme. I really enjoyed reading your storybook! It was a wonderful idea and was very well executed!