Week 13 Story: Patrick and the brothers

Running swiftly from the woods I ran to town to inform everybody of our treasure!

"Boy, we will be rich now! I no longer have to toil and slave away my life for a living!" I thought.

I ran past a tree and tripped and fell flat on my face.

"Oh, stupid me! I always fall for things like this!" I said as I got up.

Then it clicked, what if I somehow could trick my brothers into giving me the rest of their gold? I mean, after all, I was the smartest one of the bunch. I graduated from Starfish University in Bikini Bottom and almost had a five-star GPA.

As I went into town, I was greeted by fellow pedestrians.

"Sir Patrick! You've arrived! We have been waiting for you! Where are your brothers? Are they not to be seen anywhere?" they said.

"Hey everyone, yeah my brothers are right behind me, I just forgot some wine for our picnic! Also, I've been feeling kind of sick, do you know if the apothecary is open today?" I asked.

"Yes, Dr. Strange is in his office right now, swing on by whenever, he is such a nice man!" they said.

After grabbing a few bottles of wine from the house, I swung by the apothecary's house.

"Dr. Strange! How are you? Listen, so I've had this problem lately in my backyard with some vipers? They're really sneaky and I think they might be up to something. They're pretty gullible though, do you happen to have any poison I could mix in some food and give to them?" I said.

But Dr. Strange looked at me strangely.

"Patrick, this is a medicine house not a game place. You will have to go somewhere else for your poison." he said.

"But Dr. Strange, I need it today! The vipers might be gone the next day! And everyone said you were the best Doctor in town and always willing to help! Please won't you help me find a way to get rid of them!" I harked back.

"Okay, here are some pain medication. It is extremely lethal at high dosages. Also, it tastes just like wine! Try mixing This into some wine and leave it out for the snakes. Perhaps they will drink from it." He said.

"Perfect, I will do that! I promise when I come back I will pay you a hundredfold!" I said as I ran out the door.

Grabbing my bottles of wine, I quickly mixed the pain medication with the wine and left one clean.

As I was running back to my base, I was ambushed by my two other brothers, and they clubbed me to death. It turns out, they also had the genius plan of splitting the gold amongst themselves. However, after my murder, they celebrated with the wine.

"Gosh Spongebob, this wine is super wine tasting!" said Squidward.

They both died.

alphabet soup scene from spongebob

Author's notes: I focused on the reveler's tales within the Canterbury tales unit. I thought it was cool how the brothers plotted to kill each other and in the end, they all died. I chose to focus on the dialogue of the younger brother and the quick-changing mindset of how he can go from living a more comfortable life to straight-up greedy. I replaced the brothers with Patrick, Squidward, and Spongebob, and the apothecary with Dr. Strange.
The new moral of the story is money can change a person for the worst.

Bibliography:

The Chaucer Story Book by Eva March Tappan

Week 11 story: Patrick's Marriage

And Patrick went out and married a manta ray.

"Now that we're married, I can practice my shape-shifting skills!" said Patrick as he looked at his best man.

And with the ceremony done, the only thing left to do was go home.

"Patrick, it's time to go. Take your beloved wife with you and come," said Manta Ray.

Patrick changed into the Manta Ray and followed the school. At first, things were going well, and he had no problems. However, after a couple of hours, Patrick's fins started to tire out. And then he started to lag. Manta Ray looked back and told the rest of the school to slow down.

"What's wrong Patrick? Why are you so slow? This is the regular trek for our species." said Manta

"Oh I know, it's just that I have had a hook in my heart ever since the war," said Patrick as he flapped his fins harder.

His wife, Manti Reyes, looked at Patrick's chest and could find no puncture wound.

"Strange. He says he got wounded in his heart, but yet I see no wound?" she whispered to her sister, a corporal in the manta ray legion.

Patrick once again got tired and started slowing down. This time, however, Manta did not notice him at all and kept flying. After a few hours, the legion looked back and Patrick could not be seen.

"We'll wait here," said Manta ray.

And the legion of manta rays waited for hours. The hours turned into days. and the days turned into a week.

"We have been waiting here for over a day! Where is my husband?" cried Manti Reyes.

"Perhaps he got attacked by an octopus! We must find him at once!" yelled Manti's sister.

"Silence! If Patrick is truly to become part of our legion, he must make this trek himself, free from assistance," said Manta Ray.

A couple of minutes later, Patrick came flapping towards them, saying,

"Guys! Sorry I was late! but look what I found!"

Out of his pocket, he pulled out a cool rock.

"What the hell! We waited for a whole week and you were out there looking for a rock? That's it! I've had it with you! I want a divorce!" yelled Manti Reyes.

And with that, the divorce was settled then and there. Patrick would gain half the legions as was the law at the time, the wife must pay husband support, and Patrick flapped away down to bikini bottom with his rock.



Bibliography: Myths and Legends of Alaska, edited by Katharine Berry Judson (1911).

Author's notes:
The story is an adaption of Raven's marriage to the geese. In the story, Raven, our shape-shifting protagonist, marries a geese. They end up flying somewhere and for a really long time. Raven eventually gets tired out and slows down and stops a couple of times. Eventually, he even tells the geese that the reason for his slowing down is because of an injury to the heart awhile back during the war. However, the geese saw no evidence of this.
Raven was in some sense a trickster. he did shapeshifted his way into the ranks of the geese, and then possibly lied about his injuries.

For my story, I replaced raven and the geese with Patrick and manta rays. However, I added a twist,. Patrick stopped because he found a cool rock. And that's how Patrick found his home in spongebob squarepants.

Week 9 Patrick's Chinese Fairy Tale

There once was a man named Patrick Gui Fe who was full of splendor and wonder. He was the best looking man around. One day, he fell in love with the Empress who was in charge of Egypt as well as the Bikini Bottom Dynasty. Upon the Empress's first interaction with Patrick, she fell in love immediately.

"Oh Patrick, my strong and brave and curious sea star of a man, I love you so much." said the Empress.

Every day it seems, the sea star of a man would drop by the Empress's palace and she would wait patiently outside her balcony singing like a baby bird chirping for her mother to bring her the fresh worms for the day. And like a mother bird answering the calls of her baby, Patrick would swing by like a condor landing upon his nest, and feed his caller.

Quoting from a verse in Auden, Patrick whispers in her ear,


"'I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,"

and with that, the lovers went to bed.

As time went on though, the Empress began to neglect her duties. First, the sun stopped shining and then the water stopped moving. Eventually, the grass grew so long that people could not find the path to the road anymore and the citizens of the country began to revolt.

"The Empress is a joke! She has fallen in love with an alien and we cannot have that!" rioted the people.

The started to burn down the palace of the kingdom forcing the Empress and her family to flee.

"This is all your fault, Empress! How could you neglect your duties and the traditions that your family has held for so many generations! It is that sea star's fault! We must kill him!" barked the relatives.

The Empress pleaded for his life, but it seems there was no other way, the people and the relatives have made up their mind.

Racing towards her beloved, she was too late. The Imperial guards snatched Patrick up like a runaway toddler fleeing from his mother for breaking a vase and hung him on a sycamore tree.

Grieving, the Empress prayed for her beloved but to no avail. He was dead.

Slowly, the Empress stopped eating, and she got skinnier and thinner. Her face started to look like a cubone and she cried. Upon seeing this, her most loyal servant, Stinky Guang Ling came up to her and asked if he could be of any assistance. Remembering, that Stinky used to be a member of the Imperial Magicians Court, she told Stinky to make contact with Patrick in the afterlife. Whether it is in Heaven or Hell, if Stinky could bring back her beloved, perhaps she could survive her grief.
And with that Stinky went on his journey to find Patrick.

He looked everywhere, from the deepest circle of hell to the highest parts in paradise and could not find him. He returned to the Empress with the news that Patrick could not be found anywhere, and with that, the Empress cried even harder and threatened to end her own life. Fearing of this, the Magician tried again. He went down to Hell with a flyer of the man's face on it and hassled and rustled every demon he could find and one of the demons mentioned that he heard news of a beautiful sea star in heaven. With that news, the Magician went straight into heaven again and started to harass all the angels until one of them spilled the beans.

*Patrick punches and angel and is curb-stomping him while another angel with a torn wing and bloody nose shows up*

"Where is he, Punk!" yelled the Magician as he struck another blow.

"STOP!!! WE KNOW WHERE HE IS! HE IS HIDING UNDERNEATH A ROCK IN HEAVEN. HE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SEA STAR! STOP HARASSING US!." cried the other angel.

The magician took his leave and went immediately to the rock. Upon finding it, Patrick was underneath it sleeping like a newborn baby who cried itself to sleep.

Upon entering the abode, Patrick opened his eyes and the strength of ten Hawaiin Breeze fans blew over his the magician's skin.

"Patrick, I have come to take you home! The Empress longs for you and has threatened to end her life unless you come home!" harked the Magician.

"Oh Stinky, I cannot leave this place. For Heaven has declared me their most beautiful and precious sea star and I must stay here and be King of the Stars. Tell my beloved that I have not forgotten her and that I still have the ring that she left me when we first met. Bring this to her and tell her that our love is eternal and I shall never die." said the divine entity.

And with that Patrick's rock closed and the Magician woke up on earth again.

He told the Empress of the news and gave her the ring. The Empress was so impressed and happy that her beloved is still alive and she showered gifts on Stinky.


The Goddess Patrick underneath his rock. source

Author's Notes:
The story is taken from the Chinese fairy tale about Yang Gui Fe, who was the most beautiful lady around. An Emperor fell in love with her and as a result, the kingdom fell to ruin. Eventually, the people wanted her killed and the emperor gave in. Afterward, however, the Emperor was so grieved that one of his assistants had to go up into the afterlife to find Yang Gui Fe again. It turns out she became a goddess.
I wanted to do the same with my story, but I replaced the emperor with an Empress and the beautiful Yang Gui Fe with Patrick Star "Gui Fe." I also made the Empress the owner of Africa.

Bibliography:
Story source: The Chinese Fairy Book, ed. by R. Wilhelm and translated by Frederick H. Martens (1921).

"As I walked out One Evening" W.H. Auden

Week 7 Story: A skater's retelling of the MONKEY KING BRAWLLL!!

"Sick Ollie Bro!" I yelled when Sun Wu Kung, the KING of skaters, showed me his trick.

"Patrick, I know you're not an ape or anything, but dude, you're pretty cool for a starfish. Wait, watch this!" said Sun Wu Kung as he turned one of his hairs into a Razor scooter and did some kickflips.

"WICKED BROOOO!!!!" I yelled back!

"That's nothing man. Now man watch Thi-"

Suddenly, the skies blackened and some kid walks out from the heavens.

"What the FLIP?" Gasped Sun Wu Kung as he walks toward the shadows.

"BE CAREFUL DUDE!!!" I cried.

But it was too late. Everything changed in an instant when the grandson of the Lord of Heavens came.

"Who are you?" questioned the mighty ape.

"I am Yang Oerlang, the grandson of the Lord of Heavens!" replied the valiant god.

"Lame. Get out of here man, or do I have to school you too?" beckoned the ape.

"Bring it!" yelled the young Lord.

They both summoned their wheeled boards and commenced a showdown. Up from the skies, the Lord of Heavens sent down literally the biggest skating rink I've ever seen in my life. It was like the size of three NFL football stadiums combined!

"Be careful dude!" I yelled

"No worries man. I got this!" replied the cocky Ape.

Sun Wu Kung transformed his scooter back into a skateboard and went into the rink. He started off with doing some casual kickflips when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he got some air and did a kickflip superman and wowed the crowd.

kickflip superman from Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3

Wowing the crowd he got back to his post and held his board in the air.

"Your turn." whispered the ape to the prince.

The earth rumbled and the skies grumbled when the prince got on his board. Riding down the rink like a lightning cheetah the young prince did a few flips and then all of a sudden he pulls out of these out of nowhere.

Slamma Jamma off of Pro Skater 3

The Slamma Jamma trick was brutal and ten mountains crumbled.

Fearing, the ensuing onslaught, all the other apes hid and withdrew from the crowd. All of a sudden, the two warriors clashed like clashing warriors. The sky thundered like thundery skies and it rained wet drops of water.

As the two warriors fought, the skating rink started to fall apart. I grab my ripstick and start riding towards the warriors to stop the madness.

"I'm about to end this man's career," said Sun Wu Kung as he saw me.

Then I knew what was going to happen. Sun Wu Kung was about to show me the coolest trick ever that would certainly get end the young prince's career. I got down on my knees and started to pray.

Patrick Praying. Uploaded from my personal photos

He grabbed his skateboard and I knew what was about to go down.
Sun Wu Kung pushed the Lord of Heaven's grandson aside and performed the trick that would be the end of the world.

Hiding my eyes from the terror, I see the Monkey King riding up the walls of the rink and then all it was all over.

Christ Air on Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3

The young prince had been defeated. He let out a giant roar of defeat and teleported back into the heavens.

Bibliography:
The Chinese Fairy Book, ed. by R. Wilhelm and translated by Frederick H. Martens (1921).

Authors Notes:
The original story is about the Monkey King, Sun Wu Kung, who clashed against the Yang Oerlang, the grandson of the Lord of Heavens. The Monkey King prior to this had committed many crimes against heaven such as eating the sacred peaches and taking all of the pills of life and the forces that heaven sent down to stop him were not enough. In a final effort, they sent down the Lord of Heaven's grandson, and upon heading to the cave of the monkey king, fought. The two were in a battle of shape-shifting with each time one out doing the other. In the end, the Monkey King had to run away and hide in heaven, disguised as the young lord.
For the purposes of my story, however, I replaced the shape-shifting battles with skateboarding tricks. I also changed the plot a little bit by having the Monkey King winning the battle. I also replaced the third person narrative with first-person storytelling. 

Week 5 Story: Patrick the Sailor

"Once upon a time there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died." - Patrick Star 

the ugly barnacle

Those were the last words I ever heard from the man thought the Captain as he made his way to the bazaar. What I carry and what I bring with me to these merchants are the last of the equipment that he left behind before he died.

It was a terrible accident. Four score and seven years ago, a ship I was in charge of land on what we thought was an island. Our men, tired from the long voyage at sea, sought to build a fire to cook our freshly caught fish and be merry. However, it all changed when the fire nation attacked. Upon lighting a fire, a terrible stirring of the ground occurred. Only a few of my men were able to make it back on board, myself included and as we were yelling for the other men to come aboard, the ground below them began to sink and a large spout of water came spraying out of the ground, piercing a man in half.  Our ship flowed away from the waves and I saw my men no more.

Even amongst those dead, I managed to gather the equipment of my finest sailor, Patrick Star from Bikini Bottom. I thought to myself if perchance I were to run into a family member of his I could give back his belongings and tell of his brave adventures out in the sea.

When I got to the bazaar, a crowd encircled me. I told them my story and the tail of my brave sailor when all of sudden one of the men raised his hand up.

Patrick raises his hand
imgflip

"Captain it's me! Patrick!" cried the man.

I could hardly believe it. Here, after years of searching, a man perchance claims to be Patrick?

"The audacity that some men have! And here I thought that men are honest! How could you claim to be a dead man?" I barked at the pretender.

"Captain, I am he! I managed to escape and have sought refuge with a king!"

Lies! I thought to myself, there was no way that this man could be the famed Patrick. I saw him with my own two eyes. The destruction that the whale caused because we mistook it for an island.

"Captain!" yelled one of my men

"Yes?" I said

Turning back, I see my men swell up in tears.  For that man who I thought to be a pretender was indeed the brave Patrick Star who I have been looking for. Falling down to my knees I cry and kiss his feet.

real tears

"How did you survive?" I asked.

End.

Bibliography:
Andrew Land The Arabian Nights

Authors Notes:
This is the first of Sindbad's voyages. The story takes place after Sindbad escapes a near-death experience of having mistaken an island for a whale. He drifts back on a piece of wood somewhere and manages to survive until one day he finds his captain trying to sell Sindbad's belongings. For this story, I told the story from the perspective of the captain.

Week 3: Story - Patrick passing in between Scylla and Charybdis

After passing the Sirens, complex Patrick realized that there were more terrors ahead.

"Barnacles! Circe was right!" barked Patrick.
He turned back and looked at his horrified men, who were wetting their pants from fear of the unknown.

"Uhhh! Boss! There's a giant tornado inside the water!" said one of the men.
"It's Charybdis!" cried another man.

Patrick, realizing that his men knew nothing of the terrors ahead, chose to give his men confidence.

"Men! We have been through horrors far worse than what lies ahead. Day in and day out we have fought and conquered! Remember Polyphemus? We defeated him! Remember Circe? We defeated her! Do not forget the strength we have! Now stay close to the oars and row!" yelled the cunning Patrick.

"Barnacles! Elpenor truly went out easy" cried one of the men.

As the crew steered away from the whirlpool monster, the cunning starfish sighs the biggest sigh of relief. Forgetting Circe's warnings, Patrick arms himself with sharp spears to prepare for spooky Scylla with creepy snakeheads.

Suddenly, Patrick hears a loud yelp similar to a small animal crying.

"Help!" yelled a man as he is smashed against a rock.

Brains and guts shoot out of the man's head like a toddler dropping a watermelon from a counter.
The juices lightly sprinkle Patrick's face.

Horrified, Patrick yells to his other men when suddenly six more were picked up by the tentacle heads of Scylla. Weapons drop everywhere.

"Help! Patrick!" cried one of his men.

With all his strength, Patrick throws his spear at Scylla and completely misses. The spear instead bounces off a boulder and falls on a man knocking the man unconscious. 

"Please help us!" cried the ones that were still conscious.

In vain Patrick throws spears and swords and shields and large pieces of wood at Scylla and misses. Each time, everything thrown bounces or completely misses the intended target and hits his men instead. Meanwhile Scylla, like a joyful baby encountering water for the first time, smashes the men against the rocks and water. Human juices and remains of men that were once alive scatter the boat as a man is slowly dragged into a cave.

Bibliography:
Tony Kline The Odyssey http://mythfolklore.blogspot.com/2014/05/odyssey-sirens-scylla-and-charybdis.html

Author's Notes:

This a story from The Odyssey regarding the death of Odysseus's men against the sea monsters Scylla and Charybdis. The story focuses on how Scylla kills all of Odysseus's men and how Odysseus forgets the warning from Circe to not arm himself against Scylla. I thought it was very sad how Odysseus could not do anything at all and how every one of his guys cried out for help when Scylla grabbed them. It was also a particularly gory scene.

scylla and charybdis

week 2 story: patrick the trickster

The time is currently 12:22AM. Albert makes a bowl of quinoa and rice.

Once upon a time, swift-footed Georgie walked down a street. At the corner of his eyes, he sees a big burly clown-man waving.

clown saying hello
belfasttelegraph

The big burly clown-man smiled at him softly and runs into the street gutters. Swift footed Georgie, braver than a brave man, runs towards the gutters. Georgie looks down and sees... this.

complex

"What the ****!" 

yelped swift-footed Georgie, as he jumps backward similar to how other little boys his age would jump backward if they saw what he saw.

"Uh... hey there little fella," said the clown.

"MOM!!!!!!" yelled Georgie.

"SHHHH!!! not too loud!" 

Curious, swift-footed Georgie gets closer to the clown. 

"What the HECK are you doing down there?" asked the valiant boy.

"Playing Pokemon GO"

"In there?!"

"Yes." 

"Well, you damn near gave me a heart attack!"

"I know I'm sorry, but I need your help!"

"With what?" said Georgie as he takes a step back.

"Well, could you give me a hand? I got stuck!" said the clown as he reaches out to grab Georgie.

"Probably not. My mom said not to talk to strangers." said swift-footed Georgie as he got even further back.

"Please!" cried the clown.

"Okay, I'll help you."

Georgie grabs hold of the clown's hand and pulls him out of the gutters.

"Thank God! I thought I would be down there forever!" said the clown.

"You're welcome!" remarked Georgie.

"You're a FOOL for pulling me out. I've been down there for years! Now I'm hungry!!!" yelled the clown.

"No! Please don't eat me!" cried Georgie.

As Georgie's life is about to literally be consumed, Patrick Star walks by.

patrick star walking by
giphy

"Oh, Patrick! Oh, wise sage! Please help me!" cried Georgie.

"What's the problem here?" said Patrick.

"This clown is trying to eat me!" said Georgie, pleading for intervention.

"Sounds good! Carry on!" said Patrick as he walks away.

Georgie, feeling hopeless now as the clown slowly gnaws on his head, tries once more to ask Patrick for help.

"Patrick wait!!"

Patrick waddles back.

"Would you like to know how I got into this predicament?"

"Sure!" chimed Patrick.

Georgie explains what happened to Patrick.

"And that's how I got here!" 

patrick is confused. tenor

"So you fell into the gutter?" asked Patrick.

"No! Let me explain it again," yelled Georgie.

Georgie explains the predicament a second time.

"So you grabbed the clown and are about to eat him?" asked Patrick.

The clown enraged by this stupidity takes his mouth off of Georgie's head and attempts to explain.

"No no no! I GOT STUCK IN THE GUTTER. AND GEORGIE PULLED ME OUT!" yelled the clown.

"You got stuck and the gutter pulled you out? And now Georgie wants to eat you?" asked Patrick.

"NO!! LET ME SHOW YOU. I GOT STUCK LIKE THIS!" yelled the clown.

The clown jumps back into the gutter.

"And stuck you will say!" yelled Georgie as he runs away to his mommy.

Authors Notes:

I got the idea for this story from the anthology that we read regarding the trickster hare and the lion who tries to eat the brahmin. I thought it would be really funny to do the same story with Pennywise the clown from It. I also replaced the hare with Patrick, who is actually dumb. The story ends similar to how the trickster myth ends with Pennywise jumping back into his "cage" where he remains stuck.

Bibliography:

Indian Fairy Tales by Joseph Jacobs with illustrations by John D. Batten (1912). mythfolklore